Doofing Around!
by IAMASEXYMAN
Summary: Doof's new invention leads to tragic repercussions for Candace, while Monogram and Carl's bond grows a whole new level!
1. Episode 1: Doofing Around

okay it was okay it was okay it was an AVERAGE day, like, a fan-fiction-tier average day-average day which meant this average day was not quite so average...

carl was helping monogram haul a bunch of SUPER special top secret boxes in the basement of the OWCA onto a truck. carl was doing all the work and hauling everything for mr. monogram. it was very hard work and he was sweating. he saw monogram sitting out on his beach chair outside with his tanning reflector thing with sunglasses. carl thought he looked hot. so he brougth him some ice water.

meanwhile candace was talking to jeremy about teen things. "hey jeremy want to have THE SEX tomorow" candace asked and jeremy was a horny teenage boy so he said yes.

"mmmm thanks carl," monogram said. "but im not thirsty, just warm. pour it on me" so carly poured it on him and he noticed monogram was wearing see through and he could see his gross ol man titties with gray hairs and perturbing nipnops. carl licked his lips and felt his peener quiver. okay it was time for the time that carl would make his move... he leaned down to kiss monograme. "CARL! you can t do this im MARRIED gosh carl im docking your pay even though you never get paid..." and then carl was sad bc monogram yelled at him and made him go home for breaking the OWCA PDA for sexual implications.

then monogram got in bed with his waifu. "monogram hun are you ok you look perturbed" his wife said to him. he WAS perturbed, very perturbed. he was so perturbed he was perturbogram. after not saying antyhing ms. monogram herself was very... of the perturbed. "hun i KNOW youre perturbed... what's wrong" and then monogram looked at his wife and was like "our relationship needs flare. not like, maze runner flare virus, but like, fiery passionate flare. let's do the do now..." monogram said and his wife slapped him and pinned him down. "NO, WE WILL NOT YOU SEX OBSESSED FREAK" she screamed. monogram screeched and she started beating hima nd she taped his mouth completely shut. he was being beat rather sexually and i think there's a word for that adn tumblr doesn't like it. and then carl came out of the closet in the corner of the room. "ill save u sir" he said an dhe took out a shotgun and SHOT monogram's wife and had saved his lfie. that rhymed nice. then carl walked over and was all. "are you okay sir?" and mononononogram was like "i am thanks to you... thanks for knowing where i live carl even if u creepy me out u saved my life... im giving you a raise. youre getting paid from now on" then carl went home happy.

and the next day came. he returned to OWCA. all the agents were out and carl was sitting at his intern desk. monogram walked out and got some coffee on his desk bc carl had a coffee machine. "oh sir what's up?" carl asked. monogram thought deeply about his dull relationship and thought of carl. he realized now he had nothing holding him back. he leaped at carl and they fricked the frackle... and they were ontop of carl's desk and rollinGAROUND AT THE SPEED OF SOUND GOT NOWHERE TO GOTTA HUMP ON MY LEG BONE

meanwhile candace was inside her room with jeremy and they started doing hentai things. and then they started intercoursing. "oh jeremy im so embarased this is my first time..." and then jeremy was like "OMG rly me too..." and that made it romantic.

meanwhile phineas woke up and heard LOUD KNOCKINGS from candece's room so he woke up ferb and they knocked on the door. "candyass what are yo...u doing?" phin e ass asked. "IM BUSTING JEREMY" she said in a loud screechy elicit moan. "huh, i have no idea what busting means but it sounds HARD," phineas said obliviously. get it thats the joke hes OBLIVIOUS ITS JSUT LIKE THE REAL FRIKCING SHOW "guess we better ask mom" ferb say.

monograme and carl kept making sweet undetailed yaoi fic love and then carl noticed his PEENER rapidly deflating and growing back inside his body. it turned into a clitoroscious. and then carl got bingerbongers on his chest. he had transformed into carla. then mr monograme removed his putrid wrinkled dinkerdinkle from carla's bunghong and put it in his clit. he still identifies as male you oppressing pieces of oppressors. then monograme finally released his 20-minute heldback load into carla and made him pregnant. carla put her fingers into her snake den and removed some of the love juices and tasted them. monograme liked fruit, he could tell that. annnyway then doofenshmatz came in the front door naked. "hey, where's perry" he asked WHI:LE PERTURBED... then he was even MORE PERTURBED when he saw that carl had bouncy bobbers on him with lust soap on them and that monorgam had his peener inside of him. "...nevermind i wont ask where perry is he's prob out sick and dont ask while im naked its just that my new invention self destructed and it was the young people clit-inator" doof said as he awkwardly left.

meanwhile everyone in danville under the age of 30 who was a man lost their jigglerwiggler and got instead a fancy new vajayjay. this happened while candace was BUSTING jeremy. suddenly jeremy had no lollywhacker and had the same thing candace had. "omFG JEREMY WHAT" candace screamed. then they heard voices down the HALLWAY it was linda the mom. "candace is WHAT?" she screamed. and phineas, like, in his stupid voice, said "yeah she said she's busting jeremy and was yelling and moaning and stuff. idk" phineas said. then linda broke down the door and saw candace and jeremy in the scissor position. linda gasped. "CANDACE" she scream. and candace was all "im sorry for doing the sex behind your back im so srory" and then linda was like "i dont care that your having sex im angry because youre a lesbian that goes against our traditional family values that i must force onto you and not let you have choice over. now that i know jeremy is a girl you have to break up with her," linda said. an then jermeles took a stand. "i may have a VAGINER, but i still identify as MALE..." he said. then linda kicked him out.

meanwhile doof had returned to the OWCA off camera and now it was a threesome. then he bent over for monograme to anal him up while carla sucked his brautwurst. then he felt a button sound from his butt. oh my god he had a secret remote control for the young clit-inator in his butt he forgot all about it. it worked even though the young clit-inator was destoryed! then monogram removed his wrinklepickle and put it in carla. doof didn't say anything he just ran out.

suddenly at home jeremy got his jeremy jr back in his pants and he was happy. and linda was talking to candace and said "sorry candace but since i love you i must make you completely unhappy and harm your mental health"

then carla's cliturus turned back into carl jr but since he was being penetrated by monogram while it happened, two became one as their peeners merged... it was beautiful seeing the lushious flesh connected. then perry came in and puked all over. "oh, there you are perry," monogram said.

then phineas was talking to ferb on the couch. "did you feel anything funny earlier ferb-bone?" phin asked. and then ferb said, "even with the alterations of the outside, i never changed on the inside" and he looked at phin. "amen to that" he replied.


	2. Episode 2: Trans Wedding

so like doofenshmizzles was looking at his destoryed young clitinator. he thought about the REAL reason why he made it... to make perry a girl so he could marry and have children with him. he figured perry was under 30 years old so eh only made it work on young people.

anyway then doofenshmirtz made a new inator. the loveinator. he was thinking about how he loved perry...

then doof started singing a song about perry

_oh platypus oh platypus _

_please will you just love me _

_oh platypus oh platypus _

_let me see your platypussyyy_

_perry you're so very perry _

_you're not gary perry _

_my feelings vary perry _

_i can tell your hairy_

_i just want to fuck the duck _

_wait no your not a duck your a platyfuck _

_what the duck no i mean fuck _

_perrrrry_

anyway doof finished his musical number and jacked to a picture of agent p. then he started rubbing his bratwurst hard. then perry burst in the door. "how unsexy of you to show up... and by unsexy i mean COMPLETELY sexy..." he said and then doof PENETRATED perry with a big blast from the love-inator and oh my god. then perry had like hearts in his eyes like cartoony heart eyes and they pounded. then he held doofenshmirtz hand and they got married.

their wedding went well. doof understood that perry had to have a secret identity, so at the wedding perry acted like a normal platypus because phineas and his family showed up. linda looked at doof oddly. he eyed her bck... they had dated once and there was awkward tension. anyway, monogram and carl were there and they were both wearing special clothes because they were merged together because of their connected peeners. the wedding was so beautiful monogrm sniffled and blew his nose a lot.

so doofenshmirtz moved into phineas's house and slept on the floor in phineas and ferb's room with perry and they cuddled int he corner. they even had the sex once... doof blended in so well with the family. meanwhile candace was seeing jeremy in secret that same night. "jeremy im so glad ur got ur jeremy jr back..." and then jeremy was like "yeah me too, but... i know now that i prefer being a GIRL..." he said. i mean she. she was trans now. "oh jeremia i love you no matter what you re" candace said. they were going to reveal jeremia's gender identity tomorrow at a party.

then the next day came. doof and perry were having a honeymoon at the local beach lol. then candace went up to phineas in the backyard and said... "can you guys make a BIG elegant classy party and make sure mom and dad come... and also all my friends and bring ur friends invite the entire neighborhood" candace asked. "yeah, only if you dont bust us" phineas said. ferb giggled when phineas said busting because of thelast episode where candace said she was busting jeremy but actually meant THE SEX. candace ignored it and went back to jeremy and told him there was going to be a party.

meanwhile at the honey moon doof revealed what he was REALlY doing... he didnt love perry... he loved linda... he was infiltrating the family to steal linda.  
>doof tied perry down in a straight jacket and ripped off his tail so he couldnt use it to get out.<p>

anyway doof then returned home with a fake perry and joined the party phineas was hving and like then jeremy was coming out as... trans.

linda freaked out when she saw jeremy. "candace... no yorure not being a lesbian" and then jeremy ripped off his pants and showed linda tht he had a peener again. then... he said "i am trans" and linda was like "wh...at the fuck is that" and she was the only one who didn't know. then, since candace's dad (was his name lawrence i think it was) was like "oh dear its like when someone likes uh tan people... its tan with an r in the middle!" lawrence said. linda was fucking dumb so she bought it. "well candace.. glad to know ur stright because this is a CHRISTIN family..." and candace and linda hugged and now everyone except for linda knew jeremy was jeremia and female.

meanwhile, that night... doofshitz was pretending that his fake green tissue box was perry and phineas was painfully oblivious and stupid and dumb so he BOUGHT IT. and doof even humped the box to make it seem like the REAL perry. then in the middle of the night... he went into linda's room. he saw her sleeping in the bed. doof skinned lawrence and put on his skin so he looked like lawrence. he then tied up the skinless lawrance and duck taped his mouth and put him int he closet. then doof climbed in bed with linda and said, "thought you could move on... you thought wrong" then he went to sleep, and the episode ended.


End file.
